


look at me now

by chanshua



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M, Short & Sweet, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-07 22:16:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17969048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanshua/pseuds/chanshua
Summary: chan comes out to their boyfriend





	look at me now

**Author's Note:**

> i alternate between they/them & he/him pronouns for chan (in the fic)

A movie plays softly in the living room.

It's their weekly movie night so here they are, sitting underneath the blankets and dimmed lights. Last week, it was Chan's turn so Joshua picked the movie this time around. It's only been a half hour into the movie so far. Chan would like to pay attention to the movie but certain thoughts have been circling in his thoughts. 

Chan's focus has drifted off from Joshua's movie, his fingers absentmindedly playing with Joshua's larger fingers. He likes the contrast between their hands, the way Joshua's hands encompasses his seemingly tiny ones. With a soft trace of a finger, Chan rubs Joshua's knuckles. Joshua presses closer to Chan's side quietly, his eyes still on the television screen as he stretches out his hand. The warmth is so nice.

A quiet ping from their phone shakes Chan out of their trance. With a miffed sigh and blanket toss, Chan reaches over to grab the phone from the table. Joshua never minds it whenever Chan uses their phone during movie night but Chan still prefers to not use it during. A swipe here and there leads Chan to the group chat he shares with Vernon and Seungkwan. With the phone screen tilted away from Joshua's sight, Chan taps on the group chat.

 

**vern** :

i believe in u bro

trust me, u'll be fine

**seungkwannie:**

                              you're gonna be fine!!  


       just remember, i am happy to kill 4 u

 

The phone is clicked off. It's placed back onto the table and Chan scoots back to Joshua's side with a steadily increasing heartbeat. He tries to settle comfortably but his limbs are more stiff than before, the rhythm of his heart increasing and almost drowning out the movie. The warmth turns up several degrees and he starts to burn underneath the collar. There's a whirlwind of thoughts and Chan struggles to contain just one thought.

 

 

"Cha-"

" _I'm a man!"_

 

The movie sounds so deafening after the wake of silence. Chan doesn't look up from Joshua's hands, their hands grasping the blanket as they push through.

"I-I'm trans. I'm a man. Not... a girl," Chan follows up shakily. "Please don't think of me as a girl anymore. I have been a man the entire time, uh, I know that I didn't tell you immediately and I'm really s-"

"Chan." Joshua reaches out and holds onto Chan's trembling hand. He rubs a thumb over Chan's knuckles, reminiscent of Chan's own earlier motions. The gentle touch settles the high strung tension, if only by a little. "Don't be sorry. You're just looking out for your safety, okay?" A placid finger nudges Chan's chin up until the two of them are looking each other in the eyes. Chan barely registers Joshua's caring expression from their stressed induced haze. The way the older man's eyes catch light from the dimmed lights, twinkling in an ever expansive way that leaves Chan enraptured.

"You're a man who I can call my boyfriend, I'm so lucky that you decided to even date me!" Joshua knocks their foreheads together, "I love you so much, Channie."

Chan tries to blink back his tears. A watery laugh tumbles out his throat like a clumsy child. Joshua wraps himself around Chan, cuddling the blanket cocoon of his boyfriend. "You're so amazing, Shua... I really love you a lot," Chan says breathlessly. He relaxes in Joshua's hold, limbs now malleable from their once tense positions.

"You feeling okay?" Joshua asks. He presses a kiss onto both of Chan's cheeks.

Chan lolls their head to the right, "Way better than expected but still riding off that adrenaline high."

Joshua motions to the television with his head and says, "You still wanna watch the movie, baby boy?"

Chan starts to burn underneath the collar again for other reasons. The younger tries to subtly hide behind the blanket but the damage has been done. Joshua's smile takes a coy light right away and Chan knows he's in it now. Joshua cuddles closer to Chan with a smug little laugh.

"Aww, does Channie like being called _baby boy_?" Joshua asks with an innocent voice. "You're really too adorable for me, aren't you baby boy," Joshua says as he begins to pepper Chan's flushed face with kisses.

Chan weakly wiggles in Joshua's hold and says, "Oh my god, please," before they're silenced with a tender kiss.

Joshua pulls back with a kind smile that reaches his eyes. "I love you," He says simply.

"I love you too," Chan says before returning with a kiss of his own.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written a fic in so long (sowwy) but alas! i'm here again with a self indulgent fic yahoo!!
> 
> thank you to whoever reads this!! people should write non-cis dinky more often <3____<3


End file.
